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Archive for the ‘Dogs’ Category

Three months after losing Bear, we’re still coming to terms with this new, ‘dog-free’ life. A few days after he left us, I started jotting down all the things that reminded me of him – and our darling Annie. So here’s my slightly random stream of consciousness as I reflect on life without Bear.

A gravy bone in my dressing gown pocket

The wee stain on the patio

A small poo on the lawn, baked hard in the sun that neither of us wants to remove

A tin of sardines in the cupboard 

Balls. Everywhere. Under sofas, in corners, behind the table leg, hiding in the long grass, in the car, in the bottom of the dog buggy, some even in toy baskets

Tennis balls, squeaky balls, balls with faces, balls found like treasure on walks, (always the best kind), balls that were wrapped in Christmas paper (bet you can’t guess what it is!), rugby balls, squishy ones, tiny ones, big ones

His harness hanging limply on the banister 

Dog beds in the back of the cars

Safety harness still clipped into the seatbelt 

Water bowl and blanket in the boot. Spare tennis ball. Poo bags. So many poo bags. 

The dog room. Can we still call it a dog room? 

Waterproof trousers, his and hers hanging on the hook. Big coats, rain coats, wellies, walking boots, spares. 

Water shoes for paddling in streams and throwing stones for woofing at

Dog walking bags – I never did find the ‘perfect’ one

More poo bags. In every single pocket

Dog coats. Rain coats, warm coats, snuggle you up after a haircut coats, dry you after a swim coats. Knitted, ‘oh doesn’t he look handsome coats’ 

Dog meds. Pills and potions, steroid chart (remember to tick off the day), emergency bum pills (don’t ask), supplements, good oils and joint pills, herbal tonics and first aid stuff

Grooming box for infrequent torture. Tick puller, soft brush, mean, unused comb, buzzy clippers for the boys to share 

Jars full of dog treats. Chewy ones, crunchy ones. 

Dog towels, (we’re down to our last 200)

Duvets and cwtch you up blankies 

Toys by the lorry load. Birthday toys, Christmas presents from Grandma toys, always in twos, one always abandoned by Annie as soon as she left, toys. 

Toys in the mending pile hidden in the wardrobe 

Bear’s toothbrush in the bathroom (are you just eating the toothpaste, Bear? Whatever works)

Lickki mat in the dishwasher. Snuffle mat by the coffee table. Pink paw game by the water bowl. Kong Wobbler in the corner (still has some treats left) 

Blankie on the sofa. Dog step with a non-slip mat (let’s leave it for now)

Baby shampoo in the bathroom for head washing. Paul Mitchel for a bright beard (fat chance) and a sweet smelling bod

White board on the landing to block the stairs, just in case

Beanbag in the lounge, commandeered for morning lounging. Slightly yoghurt stained from a Bear beard

Non slip mats trialling through the house

Beds everywhere. Bear beds. Annie beds. Beds for mornings. Beds for evenings. Beds for car rides. 

The untouched birthday cake in the fridge – 15 today! Hooray! 

Things that feel wrong:

Eating all the toast/bread/rice/veg

Nobody watching you eat 

Peeing alone (that door won’t barge itself open)

No shower monitor waiting patiently in his bed outside the door

Sitting anywhere you like on the sofa (in theory, not yet tested)

Walking (who walks without a dog? Only psychos, right?)

Working (how do you work without an office dog by your desk?)

Talking during the day (who’ll listen to me prattle on now?)

Yoga. I’m alone on the mat with an uninterrupted view of the screen

Getting up in the morning – no wagging tail to welcome the day 

Naps on the sofa. No little head on my feet, no warm furry body curled into the hollow under my chin

Leaving the house – there’s someone missing

Coming home – is this the right house?

Going out without needing to be home. Freedom is over-rated

Being home – why is this house so deathly bloody quiet? 

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Pepper and salt Mini Schnauzer sleeps on a checked blanket
Sleep tight baby boy

I’ve put off writing this as long as I can, but it’s with an impossibly heavy heart that I have to report that our darling Little Bear passed away on 22 June. It was his fifteenth  birthday.

We were meant to be celebrating. He was meant to be tucking into his birthday cake while wearing, just long enough for me to snap a picture, the obligatory, home made birthday hat. Other Half was meant to be rolling his eyes at me as I made him sing to the birthday Bear. Instead, we were saying our goodbyes.

We are beyond heartbroken. We lost Annie 11 months and two weeks before Bear, and now the house is without a furry heartbeat for the first time in sixteen years.

Rapid decline

There is some comfort in the fact that he was unwell for a very short period. Mid-afternoon the day before his birthday he started to tremble. I took him straight to our vet, who suspected a slipped disc. Doped up for the pain, we booked an appointment the next morning for a follow-up. The plan changed though when, as the meds wore off, he became increasingly restless. At one am we headed off to the out of hours vets and he was admitted. They referred him to a specialist and we collected him first thing for the trip to High Wycombe.

After ruling out a disc issue, their concern was that he’d had a neurological event as the emergency vet had spotted some unusual eye flickering during the night. They sent us home while they prepared him for an MRI scan, wanting first to do an ultrasound to rule out any other causes.

Unwilling to go too far away, Stu and I wandered around nearby Marlow. We had lunch while obsessively checking our phones for an update or missed call. Running out of nerves, I called them at lunchtime and the vet called me straight back. They asked for permission to proceed to the MRI as they were just finishing up the ultrasound and had found nothing untoward. We said yes, and they suggested we go home and wait for an update.

Nine minutes later, the vet called back, full of apologies. As they were finishing the scan, they changed the angle and discovered a golf-ball sized tumour on Bear’s liver. There was nothing they could do. Our boy was deteriorating too quickly.

We talked about bringing him home and asking our vet to visit, as we did for Annie and Vizzy, but decided that would be unfair. When we got to the vets, they brought him to us, wrapped in a blanket. He was barely conscious, and I was glad of that. Glad that whatever they had given him for the pain was working as it should. That he was, I prayed not fully aware of what was going on.

Stu grabbed ‘Littler’ from the car, a soft toy Miniature Schnauzer I bought years ago in a car boot sale for 50p. Bear loved it, and for reasons I can’t remember, it had been in the car for weeks. Even doped up, he immediately rested his chin on his teddy and then he slipped quietly away. My Little Bear. My Daemon Dog. My little soul mate was gone.

Legacy

I’ll write more when I’m able to. For now I’m just incredibly sad that he is no longer in the world. He taught me so much and if, by sharing our journey these past twelve years we’ve helped just one other reactive dog, then Bear’s legacy will live on. 

Thank you for following our story. Hold your fur babies close. x

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The good news is that Bear’s Pemphigus Foliaceus is in remission. The diagnosis was confirmed by the dermatologist we saw in Brighton in January. The treatment, a three day steroid storm of a dose so high, we thought the demimal point was in the wrong place. That said, it worked. Weaning him off the steroids and finding the right maintenance dose will take close to four months but we’re relieved to have our Little Bear back.

The blisters and scabs that, at their height, covered his entire body are gone. Our lovely groomer Jeni gave him a ‘vet’s orders’ buzz cut so that we can closely monitor his skin, and our vet Gill tackled the Malteser-sized scabs on his nose that had dried into hard lumps of ikyness.

He’s got his appetite back, and he’s even up for a play when the mood takes him. Walks are a bit more hit and miss and largely weather dependent. He’s been putting his foot down with a firm paw if there’s so much as a hint of rain. Boring walks from the house are also vetod. He prefers a swift buggy or car ride somewhere interesting and then he’ll pottle for ages.

His medication schedule (nine times a day) rules our life plus he has physio 3-4 times a day to try and limit the muscle weakness caused by the steroids. We’ve created a monster when it comes to food too. Having lost so much weight while he was ill, we’re now guilty of trying to tempt him with anything he’ll accept. The result of course is a smart little Bear who’ll hold out for what he wants. He’ll only take his meds on a small corner of Rich Tea biscuit, the pill hidden in crunchy peanut butter.

The specialist warned us that a relapse is likely as we reduce the steroids, but for now we’re just touching wood and taking it a day at a time. That we still have our Little Bear is enough. 💕

Bear at my writing group

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The last few months have been really tough for Little Bear. It all started with the mystery wound on his leg in September that elicited the trip to the emergency vet one Saturday night. Within days, he was gnawing at his feet and belly. The vet prescribed Piriton. It didn’t help. A second vet suggested medicated shampoo and oils to add to his food. That failed to stop it too. A third vet put him on Apoquel and, as I mentioned in my last post, the itching stopped, but so did Bear. He became a shadow of himself, not wanting to eat, play, or even walk. It was horrendous.

Here was our otherwise sprightly little chap, deteriorating before our eyes and we were just being told to ‘keep taking the meds.’ All concerns about the side-effects, poo-pooed. After reading about the drug myself and checking that we could stop it without ill-effect, I took him off it.

He brightened up in himself, but went back to chewing his paws in earnest. I also found a small scab on his head, but dismissed at as a one off. We took him to our groomers as he was so hairy it was hard to see what was going on with his skin. His paws, she said, were thickened. While he was being groomed, I was on the phone to the head vet, arranging for him to see her.

By the time we could see her later that week, his paws had gone from slightly thickened to puffy and sore. Whatever was happening, it had hockey-sticked in severity during that last 24-hours and it was no surprise that they admitted him on the spot for skin biopsies. With the warnings of ‘potentially something more sinister going on,’ ringing in our ears, we left him at the vets for four agonising hours.

There was good news when we collected him. Various scans had showed no evidence of any tumours, so the diagnosis was that of a common bacterial skin infection, easily treated with antibiotics. The working assumption was that the symptoms had been masked by the Apoquel, allowing the infection to run amok.

Still drowse from the general anaesthetic, his feet shaved to bare skin and still shivering from his medicated bath, he was in a sorry state when we collected him. However, with the help of steroids and antibiotics, he picked up quickly. By the following day he had his appetite back and was woofing at the postman. We were thrilled.

Sadly, the improvement didn’t continue. As his feet healed, the rest of his skin became covered in scabs. They’re now everywhere – even in his ears. With the biopsy results back, the vet now suspects Pemphigus foliaceus, which is the most common autoimmune disease in dogs. It can be treated with steroids, but until the right dose is found to put the disease into remission, it leaves them depressed, lethargic, and generally feeling unwell.

We’re off to see a specialist next week in the hopes that we can speed up the road to recovery. We have lots of questions – not least, what part Apoquel played in making an otherwise fit and healthy dog so desperately unwell in his golden years. We also want to know why this wasn’t suspected far sooner.

There are some glimmers of light. On Christmas Eve, he found a ball and decided to have a play. Today, he grabbed a teddy and we played chase around the living room for a few minutes. He’s enjoying his new diet of scrambled egg, fresh chicken and vegetables, particularly if I hand feed him. He’s more than capable of eating it by himself, but I think he just likes the improved level of service.

We have, I hope, many more Little Bear years ahead of us, so whatever we have to do now to return him to wellness will be worth it. If you’ve got some love and prayers to spare, please send them his way. x

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Mini Schnauzer rests his head on the back of a sleeping red fox Labrador.

Yesterday, we took Bear for a blood test. Our sprightly senior, described as ‘fit as a flea’ by the vet at the end of June, seems to have aged before our eyes in the last few months.

He’s drinking a lot, sleeping a lot and, while he’s still playful when the mood catches him, he is, all of a sudden, no longer the Peter Pan dog people mistake for a puppy. I aged about a decade when I lost my mum, and I wonder what impact losing Annie has had on our Little Bear. He loved her from the moment he set eyes on her, even though she was lunging and barking at him like a thing possessed. He won her over in no time, and they were friends for eleven wonderful years, so I can well imagine how he must feel now without her.

I mentioned grief as a possible catalyst for the washing list of ailments we were presenting with, fully expecting the theory to be poo-pooed, but to his credit, the vet said that depression could certainly have played a part. My poor Little Bear.

The good news is that his bloods are no cause for alarm. He’s back for a liver scan next week, as one of his results was slightly elevated, but the vet was clear that he wasn’t expecting to find anything untoward. Once that’s done, we can work on his itchiness and investigate his mysterious leg wound that heals and then reappears.

As to healing his grieving heart? Sadly, I know from experience that that’s not possible. All we can do is try to make sure that his days are filled with as much fun, love and distraction as we can cram into them.

P.S Apologies to subscribers for the random way the gallery of the photographs in my last post appeared in emails. I’ve no idea what WordPress tweaks caused that but I’ll investigate.

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I can ‘bear-ly’ believe it, but last week, Little Bear celebrated his fourteenth birthday. We had an agility party with a couple of his best pals, Paddy and Barney, and the smile on his face was a joy to see.

Any thoughts of slowing down were obviously far from his mind as he flew over the jumps, raced up the dog walk and, giving us all a heart attack in the process, deciding to scale the full height A-frame! He was probably rolling his eyes at the level of over-protectiveness after that one, but even if he’s unaware of his advancing age, we’d rather err on the side of caution.

Things took on a farsical note back home when posing for a picture with his cake obviously stretched his patience a bit too far. He made a grab for it and point blank refused to let go. In the end, I had to lift the cake out of its ribbon or else I think we might still be there!

It was a fun, memorable day, if tinged with the sadess of remembering those furry friends who weren’t able to join us this year. Archie, Molly, Mickey and Bella. Even our Annie was too stiff to make the journey, although she didn’t say no to cake at home. Precious memories. ❤️

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My canine alarm went off at 4.27 am which, believe it or not, is a lie-in as Annie usually wakes between 2 and 3 am.

It was my turn on the couch with her last night, but after a day of deep cleaning the house, I decided to try and grab a few hours in bed first.

I slept like a butcher’s dog, waiting for the woof. When it came, I hurried down the stairs only to be greeted by the unmistakable stench of dog wee.

Diagnosis

Thanks to our lovely vet, we now at least have a diagnosis. Our darling girl has dementia.

The minute she said the word it all made sense. The pacing, the laps of the house, the nighttime disturbances and the random demand barking.

To the list this week, we’ve had to add what seems to be a new fear of the back door, a flat-out refusal to eat her dried food and a runaway bladder (hence the deep clean which included Annie herself).

Management

The baby gate has been hauled back out of the garage and with a heavy heart, we’ve had to confine her to her dog room overnight for the sake of both the flooring and what’s left of our sanity. Not that she minds at all, she loves her room, but guilt is my default.

We have a new harness on order that’s soft enough for her to wear all day. It has a handle so that we can lead her out into the garden, because carrying a stubborn 28kg Lab to the toilet is really no fun for anyone, least of all her bless her.

As ever, canine social media has been a godsend, this time connecting me to a lovely lady in the US who’s also caring for a senior dog with dementia and has been so generous with her time and experiences. We know it will progress, but knowing what to expect at least puts us on the front foot. Our vets are fabulous, but being able to chat to someone about the day to day realities and practicalities is invaluable.

Still our girl

She’s sleeping peacefully now by my side as I sit, bleary-eyed and huddled under the duvet that has migrated to live permanently at the end of the couch, ready for whichever one of us is on Annie watch.

After being up for almost an hour, I gave up on the idea of dozing and made my first coffee of the morning. As I stood at the stove, she stopped her pacing and wagged at me as if she’d not seen me all night.

It was her usual morning wag, an enthusiastic, Dobby-eared greeting that has always kicked off our little morning ritual of cuddles. She’s still our Annie and for that I’m ridiculously grateful.

Annie loves her Dog Room bed (she has another three to choose from around the house)

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I’m writing this after two very strong cups of coffee. It was my turn on the canine night shift and after a couple of weeks of relatively few interruptions, Annie outdid herself last night.

At fourteen and a half, it’s to be expected. Arthritis, confusion and a weaker bladder, all conspire to play their part and when she wakes, she woofs for us. Bear joined in too last night, twice waking me for a bathroom break. All in, I was up six times.

I’d be lying if I said that there were nights when stumbling down the stairs by the light of my phone, I didn’t long for an uninterrupted night’s sleep, but in the absence of a functioning time machine, a quiet night would mean only one thing. When I think of it like that, the interruptions are a gift.

Senior dogs

Caring for senior dogs isn’t easy. While Bear is wearing his thirteen and a half years pretty lightly (touch wood), Annie is feeling her age. In response, our lives have pivoted around her care. We’ve spent countless nights sleeping on the couch next to her when nothing else would coax her to sleep. I abandoned my upstairs office and moved my desk to the kitchen to be close to her (and always available for backdoor duty). After a bout of fainting episodes the vet diagnosed as neurological, one of us is with her at all times, which makes even walking Bear together an impossibility.

Her medication schedule sits on a clipboard in the kitchen and alarms on Other Half’s phone remind us to dish out her pills three times a day to keep her comfortable. When everyone else was panic-buying toilet paper, we were stocking up on lentil shell crisps and peanut butter – her pill delivery method of choice!

Every day is a blessing

We know our time together is limited, that our love will one day need to step up to the plate, but that just means that every day is both a blessing and a bonus. In the meantime, so long as she’s wagging her tail, reminding us of her mealtimes, demanding the odd walk when the fancy takes her and enjoying her life, we’ll move heaven and Earth to care for her.

Annie ‘Nightwalker’ 😉

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As it’s day four-thousand and twentyone of lockdown, I thought I’d have some fun. Here are my top ‘facts’ about life with a Mini Schnauzer. Well, life with ours anyway….

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They bark – but only a lot 

I know there are exceptions to the rule, but most minis I know love the sound of their own voice. They’re vocal little dogs and will woof at the drop of a hat. Little Bear sometimes barks just for fun (or to annoy my husband). We’ve neither of us finished a complete sentence in his presence for the last twelve years.

 

Mini Schnauzer being carried

They like to be carried 

All puppies do the ‘stop and stick’ to the pavement routine when they’re tiny and are a bit worried about the world.

Schnauzers, however, don’t seem to have forgotten that often, once the treats had run out, their exasperated people resorted to carrying them.

Little Bear is an old master at this trick now and will even limp dramatically to get a lift. Like a fool I usually give in and hey presto, the minute I close the front door, he’s racing about the house like a spring lamb.

 

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They hate coats

I often think Schnauzers are the polar opposite of the House Elves in Harry Potter. Give an elf an item of clothing and you free them from servitude – give a Schnauzer a coat and he’ll look at you like he’s a newly condemned man.

A few years ago I decided that Bear’s statue routine could be ‘fixed’ by just   waiting him out.

I popped his new coat on him and waited. After an hour of him standing rooted to the same spot in the kitchen, I caved in. It was a battle of wills. I lost.

 

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They have sensitive fur 

While dog coats can render them instantly and completely immobile, so can other ‘unexpected items’ about their person.

Leaves on the legs, a twig on the toe and most infamously, a minuscule bit of poop stuck to the botty fluff. That one cost us £50, a mad dash to the vet with our ‘paralysed’ puppy and lost dinner reservations. We also had to change vets.

 

 

Mini Schnauzer curled up on the writer's chest

 

They’re incredibly loving 

Mini Schnauzers have huge characters. They’re certainly not a breed for anyone who wants a quiet life.

Little Bear is and always has been, a total drama king, but he is also the most sensitive, loving little soul imaginable. I suppose, in the end, that’s all we really need to know.

 

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Mini Schnauzer stands with front feet on a table, wearing a party hat and looking at a bone shaped cake

Birthday boy

Ten years ago today The Little Bear Dog Blog was born. It was a cold, wet February afternoon when I set up the WordPress account and in all honesty, I thought I’d probably only post a few times. It was just an experiment and never in a million years did I expect people to actually read my ramblings. But here we are, ten years, 152 posts and thousands of readers later.

Thank you

To everyone who’s read, liked, commented on or shared posts over the years – thank you so much.  Your time is precious and I’m so grateful for the time you took to be a part of our story.

I can’t of course leave out the beautiful little soul who inspired the blog. Had Little Bear been the ‘take anywhere’ dog I’d been expecting, I very much doubt that I would have taken to blogging as a way of processing the realities of life with a reactive dog.

They say that our greatest challenges are our greatest teachers. Little Bear and Annie have certainly been great teachers! But above all, they’ve taught me the power of unconditional, unwavering love. How blessed I’ve been.

I have no idea how many more blog posts we’ll have – time waits for no man, woman or dog, so we’ll take each day as it comes and be grateful for every single one we get to share with them.

“There is nothing truer in this world than the love of a good dog.” Mira Grant 

 

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